Category Archives: macademia nuts

Wow, Blogher Decompression

So, I show up at Blogher after two days spent with my dear friends from way back in Oakland days, and it’s instantly disorienting. First of all, the prelude to the experience: I’m skipping around the stomping grounds of my misspent youth, the UC Berkeley campus, about which I have so many mixed and mostly unpleasant feelings. My friends, of course, are pure delight and solace. Both the many new ones I made at Blogher (mostly sister MOMos and some others too), and my friends from way back.

Then, the Blogher ’08 conference itself, in the Westin St. Francis, which had weird feng shui and an architecture I never seemed to figure out despite fancy electronic signage and multi-level mapping of all the meeting rooms. One thousand powerful lady bloggers, of which I am one. The group Opening Keynote was phenomenal, the varied readings and voices unfuckingbelievably good. I only wish the Closing Keynote had been more of the same.

It was daunting, the tangle of relationships and personalities who all seem to know one another and I’m all, who’s that who I should know but don’t? Clearly I don’t read enough blogs! Or I’d know who all the celebs of the women’s blogosphere are.

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Welcome to My World, Grasshopper

$40,000 college application coaches. Forcing your precocious toddler to learn fluent Mandarin Chinese. Matching your driven teen stride for stride in perfecting that college essay at 3:00 am, then starting work on the prize-winning Halloween costume for later that day. Conclusion: we Asian American “model minorities” of yesteryear are being overtaken by mainstream America.

Once upon a time an American-born child of Asian immigrant parents could count on summers filled with tedious exercises in little math workbooks from Kmart (so our quantitative skills wouldn’t rust away between spring and fall) and a perfectly good Saturday squandered on Chinese school. We got named embarrassing tokens of our parents’ ambition, like Harvard or Johns, and started studying for the SATs while in junior high. We knew not to lisp “residential address fraud” aloud to escape suspicion that we didn’t really live within excellent Public School District X’s boundaries for incoming kindergarteners.

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We Have Got to Find a Way/To Bring Some Understanding Here Today

myanmar, what’s going on? shooting monks, chasing down protesters? it’s heartbreaking. stop–stop!

please. stop.

i think everyone in the world is begging you to just stop. it’s hard to witness a country tearing itself apart.

it’s times like these you need to look around you and find something that does work. something redeeming and hopeful.

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Mean Girls and Eye Rolls

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this stale piece of UC Berkeley grad English department gossip:

Becca Steinitz leaves academia.

I could care less one way or the other what she’s done or does with her life; I just think it’s interesting to note that when we were in a seminar together on race, class, and sexuality, she was part of the Mean Girls contingent that rolled their eyes at whatever we women of color said. Did I mention this was a graduate seminar, as in, professional training in preparation for teaching college students literature, and no one was age 13?

So perhaps her cattiness then did me the small favor (heaped on a steaming pile of other cumulative not-so-small favors from the UC Berkeley English department) of turning me off to academia long before I needed to waste time and energy discovering that it was not for me.

Hope she’s no longer a Mean Girl. But you never know. Apparently they can effortlessly become Queen Bee Moms.

Ahhhh, Academia

Ahhhh, Academia

Every so often, beleagured and abused and very dysfunctional graduate students go nuts and kill their professors.

Am I saying it’s right? Obviously, no.

Am I saying I could kinda see why a person would be moved to do that? Well, maybe. Let’s just say graduate school isn’t pretty. Where else would you be tortured for 19 YEARS before being told you wouldn’t receive your doctorate?

It’s a tragic waste of the colleagues and professors these guys kill, but otherwise, do I take a sick, twisted, campy delight in the fact that Chinese graduate students, when they go unhinged, are the most bitterly crazed and homicidal of all? Why do I know that the sick competition and constant comparison of oneself to one’s peers makes for a toxic, grasping, maladjusted person completely lacking in perspective about the unhealthy little world he lives in? Male privilege thwarted, male entitlement denied. And yet, all that pressure to do well, to thrive in that environment. So Chinese. (Could it have been my experiences at lovely UC-Berkeley that gave me a sort of grudging “bunker mentality”, well who wouldn’t go nuts empathy? Elements of my childhood and every comparison to seemingly perfect Janet S. or whoever?)

Now someone’s done and made a film about it: DARK MATTER. Put that in your “model minority” and smoke it.

The Texas Presentation Went Well

The Texas presentation went well, I’m relieved to say. It looks like there may be some donations coming in to the documentary from that event, and we even got some press out of it. Yay!

Bothersome director of the program didn’t come to the event even though she had been planning to. A staffer made excuses and could barely look me in the eye while delivering them. Maybe the staffer’s a bad liar and maybe the staffer doesn’t care if I know she’s lying for her boss. Oh well. It all could’ve gone so differently, couldn’t it, if the director had only been halfway civil.

And CN was just fine during his two days of extended school day stay. No crying, sobbing, recriminations…when I came home, he said, “Mommy, I love you. Especially when you go away, I miss you very much.” And all was snugglebunnies again in his world. What sweetness. I missed him tremendously too.

Yesterday we took CN to a Halloween train and pumpkin patch outing organized by his school. What a blast! While on the train, he burbled excitedly about Annie and Clarabel, the two coaches Thomas the Tank Engine pulls. I think he thought the pumpkinliner was basically Thomas come to life. When we got to the pumpkin patch, he rode the merry-go-round and bounced in a special toddler bouncy house for over an hour with maybe one ten minute break. He was ebullience personified. He had so much fun. Of course he missed his nap, so he slept from 4pm to 9:30 pm, woke, ate dinner, then went back to sleep. A pretty wonderful day.

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Just saw these two bizarre articles, one in USA Today about how CEOs were beaten as children, and the other a profile of satan himself, Roger Ailes (head of Fox TV News).

No wonder Roger turned out to be an asshole who’s idea of “fair and balanced” is seriously skewed…when he was a boy, his dad told him to jump off a high wall into his arms. When little Roger jumped, his dad stepped aside, letting his son fall to the ground. The lesson, according to roger, was that his dad didn’t want him to assume anything or trust anyone.

Instead the lesson was actually that roger ailes’ dad was a great big asshole.

So why do we nice functional adults who were loved and protected as children have to suffer because these people were emotionally and physically abused? Sheesh.

Academia: SO Glad I Left It

Academia: SO glad I left it. It’s been a nightmare setting something up at A UNIVERSITY THAT SHALL GO UNNAMED but is in Texas.

Person in charge can’t deal with the fact she inherited my project and that no matter how mean she is to me, I’m not bailing on it. Two words: grow up.

Case in point: when told the auditorium has no chairs/table setup for a Q&A after the presentation, and that to rent the above from nearby catering would cost more money, she parried my suggestion that we bring in our own folding chairs with, “The [insert department/center/institute name here] doesn’t have any chairs.”

LONG SILENCE.

Is it me or is there not a lot of can-do, ohana spirit in here? Uh-huh. Yeah, thought so.

I went to UC Berkeley’s English department for graduate school, so this is bush-league pettiness compared to what I saw/experienced. BUT IF SHE FUCKS WITH MY GUEST, who is a perfectly nice woman and non-academic who lives in a town nearby, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY.

I Would Pay Money

i would pay money to see selectively edited bits of professor’s lives as long as they showed what one commenter called the ‘pit of vipers’ nature of the beast.

coming to a tv near you soon: Alternate Academic Reality

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another interesting article from Inside Higher Ed, this time linda hirshman stirring the pot: Is Your Husband a Worse Problem Than Larry Summers? larry summers is the politically incorrect former head of harvard. it’s hirshman’s argument that because of the drag most men are to women, who have to plan and run the household around them, men basically get a boost so they can focus solely on their careers whereas women’s attentions (and energies) are always divided. thus sapped, women have a hard time making their rightful mark in their careers.

this is totally true in hollywood, where women are supposed to look good and work behind the scenes. witness the glut of female producers, who are all too happy to enter into platonic “marriages” with the brilliant young men whose work they always seem to produce. (as opposed to producing the work of equally talented women.) work life and home life are unbelievably vexed in hollywood.

yet women can’t seem to demand that their husbands step up to the plate to share the housework, or so hirshman alleges. i think what’s missing is that most men don’t do the emotional heavy lifting. what woman hasn’t had the disturbing feeling that if she didn’t tend to the relationship, it wouldn’t exist?

and academic women, especially self-describied feminists? are they any better? i think a lot of so-called academic feminists have a very elitist and frankly annoying idea of what feminism is. i remember i went to a party at a friend’s and she had invited her colleagues from work. now, she teaches at a major research university in the english and women’s studies departments. i recall her women’s studies/english colleagues were talking about what schools they send their kids to. one professor said she sent her kid to a wonderful charter school that a bunch of enterprising “stay at home mommies” had put together. i forget exactly what her words were but i know she spoke of them disparagingly, managing to denigrate the “free time” on their non-outside the home working hands and praising the school the same women had built FROM FUCKING SCRATCH so her kid could attend and not have to do the politically embarraassing thing of going to a private school she couldn’t afford.

i remember feeling so much rage at her dismissiveness. apparently the work of setting up a charter school was not work, but vaguely hobbyistic.

what a fucking hypocrite, i remember thinking. later i let this woman know that i straddle the Stay At Home/Work at Home divide because i’m an indie filmmaker and writer. so i know full well that my worth is not what can be measured in dolllars but at the same time i’m not interested in being known for my needlepoint. she seemed chastened and backed down from what a lot of what she’d said earlier when she thought i was an academic too.

so. my impression of academic feminists isn’t the most pleasant one. and i don’t think their kids are the most well-brought up either–in fact, a lot of them are total disasters…academically, socially, careerwise, etc.

obviously as a faculty brat myself, i think we tend to get more than our share of neuroses. and i think we can turn out brilliantly as well.